1. Acceptance of Terms
You must be at least 13 years old (or the minimum age in your jurisdiction) to use our Services. By accessing or using the Services, you represent and warrant that you have the legal capacity to enter into these Terms.
2. Nature of the Site; Parody of Actual News
All content on this site is provided for entertainment, satire, and parody purposes only. While our stories riff on real news reported elsewhere, they are intentionally exaggerated, embellished, or wholly fabricated to lampoon, satirize, or comment on current events. We make no representations that any content is factual, accurate, or reliable. Any resemblance to actual events, persons, publications, or news outlets is either purely coincidental or part of our deliberate parody.
Please refer to the Disclaimer.
3. Use License
- Permitted: You may view, download, and print pages from the Services for your personal, non-commercial use.
- Prohibited: You may not modify, distribute, republish, sell, or exploit any content for commercial purposes without our express written permission.
4. User Conduct
You agree not to:
- Violate any applicable law or regulation.
- Infringe our or any third party’s intellectual property or privacy rights.
- Post or transmit any malicious code, spam, or unsolicited advertising.
- Harass, threaten, or defame other users.
5. Intellectual Property
All trademarks, logos, graphics, and content are our property or licensed to us and are protected by copyright, trademark, and other laws. Except as expressly permitted, you may not use, reproduce, or create derivative works of our intellectual property.
6. Third-Party Links & Advertisements
We may include links to third-party websites, articles, or services and display advertisements. We do not endorse and are not responsible for their content, privacy practices, or accuracy.
7. Disclaimer of Warranties
THE SERVICES AND ALL CONTENT ARE PROVIDED “AS IS” AND “AS AVAILABLE,” WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON-INFRINGEMENT.
8. Limitation of Liability
TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, IN NO EVENT WILL WE BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES ARISING OUT OF YOUR USE OF THE SERVICES, EVEN IF ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.
9. Indemnification
You agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless [Your Company Name] and its affiliates from any claims, liabilities, damages, and expenses (including reasonable attorneys’ fees) arising from your use of the Services or violation of these Terms.
10. Governing Law & Dispute Resolution
These Terms of Use shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the State of California and any dispute shall be subject to binding arbitration in Sonoma, California. If any provision of this agreement shall be unlawful, void or for any reason unenforceable, then that provision shall be deemed severable from this agreement and shall not affect the validity and enforceability of any remaining provisions.
11. Changes to These Terms
We may update these Terms at any time. When we do, we will revise the “Last updated” date above. Your continued use of the Services after changes constitutes your acceptance of the revised Terms.
12. Contact Us
If you have any questions or concerns about these Terms, please contact us at:
Email: INFO@TOPCOVERAGENEWS.COM
Thank you for reading—and remember, although we riff on real headlines, everything here is meant in jest and for parody only!